Funny Tweets About What You Do at Work
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In this post you will find some incredibly funny quotes for work.
It's important that we enjoy the work we do.
Or at least try to make it as fun as possible.
You will find lot's of relatable quotes about work-life in this post that will have you laughing out loud.
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Right, let's jump into this list of funny quotes for work.
Funny Quotes For Work
Dont stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos… then you probably havent completely understood the situation. Unknown
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. Les Dawson
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Vince Lombardi
A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesnt feel like it; an amateur is one who cant when he does feel like it. James Agate
Ideas are like slippery fish. They seem to have a peculiar knack of getting away from us. Because of this, the creative person always has a pad and a pencil handy. Earl Nightingale
If a man smiles all the time, hes probably selling something that doesnt work. Woody Allen
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. Unknown
You don't get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. Jim Rohn
Related Post: 257 Incredible Quotes About Being Real [And Never Fake]
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde
I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. Ellen DeGeneres
Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it. Andrew Young
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there. Josh Billings
His insomnia was so bad, he couldnt sleep during office hours. Arthur Baer
Its just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali
I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail. Abraham Maslow
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Betty Reese
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Bill Gates
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. Tom Goins
Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure. Joseph Heller
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost
Leaders who dont listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say. Andy Stanley
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Anonymous
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. Whats the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe youd get a pulse. Denise Miller
People often say that motivation doesnt last. Well neither does bathing. Thats why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar
Greatness doesn't come from taking a lean back approach to career planning. Get out in front of opportunity – and it will come to you. Jocelyn K. Glei
The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
Anonymous
Many of lifes failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Thomas Edison
One needs to take some time off from work and recharge to start afresh. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone.
HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Unknown
My son is now an entrepreneur. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Ted Turner
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Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance. Sir Claus Moser
Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free. Anonymous
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle
Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald. Anonymous
What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. Vilhjalmur Stefansson
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. Claude McDonald
A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Unknown
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. Unknown
Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no eviland youll never get a job working for a tabloid. Phil Pastoret
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. Homer Simpson
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? Don Marquis
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. Anonymous
A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. Zig Ziglar
My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning. Anonymous
Oh, you hate your job? Why didnt you say so? Theres a support group for that. Its called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. Drew Carey
I love my job only when I'm on vacation. Rick Tocquigny
Where people arent having fun, they seldom produce good work. David Ogilvy
Im not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that youll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It aint going to happen. Junior Seau
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. Unknown
A baseball game is twice as much fun if youre seeing it on the companys time. William C. Feather
The best computer is a man, and its the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour.
Wernher von Braun
Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. TS Eliot
Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful. Benjamin Disraeli
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Yane
Theres no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didnt tell you about it? Kin Hubbard
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. Unknown
The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. Martin Buxbaum
No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams. Anonymous
I need a six-month vacation, twice a year. Unknown
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. Unknown
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Charlie McCarthy
Any organization is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top. John Imhoff
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. Cannons Law
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.
Dave Barry
The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school. Milton Berle
I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one. Clarence Darrow
Theres an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. Peter Drucker
Im not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues. Franklin D. Roosevelt
The world is divided into people who do thingsand people who get the credit. Dwight Morrow
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
Getting paid to sleep… thats my dream job. Unknown
I dont want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the trutheven if it costs him his job. Samuel Goldwyn
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Bill Gates
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
Why join the navy if you can be a pirate? Steve Jobs
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb
Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them dont work and the other half arent so bright. Anonymous
Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment. Dilbert
When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression. Jesse Jackson
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Anonymous
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
Don Herold
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. Robert Frost
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours. Oscar Wilde
The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind. Joseph Stilwell
Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Jim Murray
People are still willing to do an honest days work. The trouble is they want a weeks pay for it. Joey Adams
I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing! Anonymous
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. Fats Domino
If at first you dont succeed, failure may be your style. Quentin Crisp
Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door. Anonymous
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and youre just sitting still? J. Paul Getty
Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didnt have a plan. Larry Winget
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. Unknown
If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some. Benjamin Franklin
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, youve got it. Groucho Marx
I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
Dorothy Gish
Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. Henny Youngman
Theres something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living. Karl Lagerfeld
Hard work beats talent when talent doesnt work hard. Tim Notke
Funny Quotes For The Office
Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free. Patrick Murray
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some dont turn up at all. Sam Ewing
If at first you dont succeed, try management. Unknown
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
Pablo Picasso
The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when youre finished. Groucho Marx
Learn from the mistakes of others. You cant live long enough to make them all yourself. Unknown
Conways Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on This person must be fired. Anonymous
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die. Bill Watterson
Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs. Mary Kay Ash
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If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route. Malcolm S. Forbes
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. Ogden Nash
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. Doug Larson
Your job is still better than asking You want fries with that? Unknown
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell em, Certainly, I can! Then get busy and find out how to do it. Theodore Roosevelt
We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members! Unknown
Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes. Henry Thoreau
If youre not failing every now and again, its a sign youre not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen
Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues.
David Ogilvy
Its a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He cant eat for eight hours; he cant drink for eight hours; he cant make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. William Faulkner
Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done. Peter Drucker
Lisa, if you dont like your job you dont strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thats the American way. Homer Simpson
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that ones work is terribly important. Bertrand Russel
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. Kooper Salmo
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldnt be done. Sam Ewing
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adams
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines. Unknown
Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your bosss job. Unknown
The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. Unknown
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day! Anonymous
Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels Unknown
Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? Its no coincidence we call them deadlines. Tom Robbins
It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you. Dwight D. Eisenhower
Dont be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you. Zig Ziglar
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. Anonymous
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy. Huey Long
When I was I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them. Steven
Alexander Wright
Go the extra mile It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. Unknown
The taxpayer thats someone who works for the federal government but doesnt have to take the civil service examination. Ronald Reagan
Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. Michel Tournier
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins. Unknown
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. Henry Kissenger
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Unkmown
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. Earl Wilson
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great. Mark Twain
Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when youre finished. Leslie Nielsen
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment. Robert Benchley
The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office. George Bernard Shaw
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison
Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software. Unknown
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. Stanley J. Randall
Motivational Funny Quotes For Work
In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing. William Wordsworth
I used to work at McDonalds making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? Its like, Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but its against the law. Chris Rock
You can't have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.
Zig Ziglar
Beat the oclock rush, leave work at noon. Anonymous
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know Im lying. Rita Rudner
You never become a howling success by just howling. Bob Harrington
The reward for good work is more work. Francesca Elisia
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. Aristotle
Theres no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. David Letterman
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. John Ciardi
Do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed – there's so little competition. Elbert Hubbard
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous. Robert Benchley
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. Harry S. Truman
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. Al Capp
Give a man a fish, and youll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and hell buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and youre a consultant.
Scott Adams
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. Niels Bohr
Unemployment is capitalisms way of getting you to plant a garden. Orson Scott Card
Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers. Proverb :
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so. Douglas Adams
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, wed be here every freakin day. Ed Bernard
Life is like a dogsled team. If you aint the lead dog, the scenery never changes. Lewis Grizzard
Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking. Anonymous
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. Rita Mae Brown
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
Anonymous
I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Bill Gates
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when Im around. Homer Simpson
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches. Boves Theorem
People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do. Elbert Hubbard
It's better to have one person working with you than three people working for you. Dwight D. Eisenhower
If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. Albert Einstein
Anybody, somebody or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now. Byron Pulsifer
The elevator to success is out of order. Youll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. Joe Girard
If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldnt have a job if he was smarter. Albert Grant
What I dont like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. Savielly Tartakower
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. Earl Nightingale
Related Post: 205 Best Quotes By Lao Tzu To Get Inspiration From
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work. Author Unknown
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. Archie Bunker
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Unknown
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. Mark Twain
We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. Anonymous
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
William Archibald Spooner
Its a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. Alan Alda
To Sum Up
Hopefully you have enjoyed this big list of funny quotes for work.
More importantly, I hope it's given you a good laugh.
I would love to know which quotes are your favourites.
Drop them in the comments below!
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